When I was a about 7 or 8 my Father died in a car crash. This itself was not the tragedy, nor the fact that the women in the car who died alongside him was only 18 and not my mother. For me the real tragedy was 5 years earlier when my Father decided that being such was not something that he could handle. For his own selfish reasons he abandoned my Mother and I. Making matters worse was that he could not do it in person, but left a pathetic letter saying that he had issues that he needed to work out.
This was not something I was made aware of until my early teen years, surely not the best time to be presented with such revelations. My anger with my Father was beyond comprehension. My Mother had since remarried a man who was physically and mentally abusive. Add in his fuel of alcohol and things would progress into something much worse than the mind of a young child can imagine. All the while my Mother had her own issues to deal with.
Metaphorically speaking, had my Father not died in that car wreck, I would have plunged six inches of steel into his chest myself for abandoning his responsibilities. Harsh words perhaps. Many can relate to experiences of an abusive relationship with a parent, step-parent, sibling or spouse. Growing up in a time when having a single parent was not socially acceptable made life difficult. Children from single parent households at that time were shunned and ridiculed. It may have built strong character and constitution but the physical and emotional pain of dealing with the situation were demons that I could do without.
My wife ran a daycare center for a number of years, and I would see the unfortunate circumstances of fatherless boys and girls everyday. I could relate to the young boys never knowing the joys of catching a football with their Dad, riding a go-kart, hunting, fishing or working on the car in the garage with their Fathers. These young children would see me doing things with my son and daughter and the pain in these childrens faces as they wonder where their Father is was quite painful to watch. I feel for these young ones growing up without a Fathers love and guidance.
Some may turn out just fine, but most end up damaged in some way that may take years to recover from. It took me until this past year to come to terms with the issues with my Father and to be able to say that I am no longer angry with him. I forgave him for what he had done although it is something that will never be forgotten. How I came to this is another issue involving my faith in the Gods and the words of others who share similar experiences.
I swore to the Gods many years ago that my children will NEVER be without their Father. Being a Father may take time from watching the game, going to the races, or raising a pint with the boys down at the pub but I brought these children into this world knowing that at times sacrifices are required. The Gods expect no less from me. I say that it is time for many to take responsibility for their actions, they know who they are. The idea that it is now socially acceptable for a man to walk away from his children because it doesn't fit his agenda is ludicrous.
Choose the path of the deadbeat Father so be it, but always remember to look over your shoulder for someday that young man you so callously left behind may be standing behind you, cold steel in hand.
Metaphorically speaking of course.
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